Into the Void
by Nyx9219
Summary: Meredith struggles to accept her new reality and Addison tries to get over the shock of death of her ex-husband. Meredith and Addison, the two most important woman in Derek's life deal with his death and finally come to terms with their loss with each others help. Merder, Addek
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1- Past Life

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A/N Hie guys! This story is about how two of the most important women in Derek Shepherd's life cope with his death. So, it starts with Meredith leaving Seattle after Derek's death. I felt that the show should have given Meredith a bit more time to grieve. Also, there is no mention of Addison at all. So, here is some filling the gaps. I have tried not to tamper with the original story line!

Also, thanks in advance for reading and please, please write reviews! :)

This being a fan fiction, I own none of the characters. All are written by and property of Shonda Rhimes.

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Addison lay awake in her bed thinking, wondering, still unable to grasp the situation. Amelia had called her last evening, to give her the sad news. The man that had once shared her life for almost 12 years was gone. Dead.

After the divorce, she had buried all their memories in a small tiny box, both literally and figuratively. That was the only way that she was able to move on, cope with the situation. Her last year in Seattle had been the hardest, the most painful. She had literally thrown the rings he had given her in the sea to try and let go of their marriage. She had even sold their house and given away almost all of their belongings to charity. All she had kept were their pictures, their wedding album, some notes and letters that he had given her when they were in college and some other things that couldn't be given away or couldn't be sent to Derek's mother. Giving up traces of her past life had been very hard for her. She just didn't have the heart to destroy all evidence that their marriage ever existed. But she had packed away all the traces in small box and hidden it in the back of the garage. Letting go of her life with Derek was the hardest thing she had done. But she had gotten through that. And now, he was gone, and all she had of him were memories and that one box, which sat somewhere in the garage, long forgotten.

For a larger part of those 12 years, Addison and Derek had been, well, "Addison and Derek", the couple that was meant to be. Granted, that all their time was not happy, and the last few years had been particular unbearable for Addison. Mark and then the divorce and then the moving on part. But, that didn't take away the good memories they had had together. Their last year at the med school, their graduation, the wedding, all the Christmas shopping and many many happy times, before all the bitterness had come along which had then become their marriage.

Addison simply couldn't take it anymore, she wanted to throw things and cry, but Jake was still peacefully asleep in their bed, and she didn't want to wake him up. In fact she didn't want him to see her crying over her ex-husband. So she got up and went outside to the patio. It was still dark outside. The cool sea breeze ran through her hair as she smelled the scent of the sea, which had become more than familiar now. It had almost become a part of her. On her way, she had checked on Henry, asleep in his room, and smiled, wondering how quickly her baby had grown, forgetting for a moment about Derek.

As she stepped out on the patio, the tears started flowing. No longer able to control herself, she just sat on the beach chair, crying silently repeating the same words over and over in her mind,

"Derek Shepherd is dead!"

She couldn't wrap her mind around the fact. But it was true. As true as the cool night breeze. Derek Shepherd was dead!

She cried for so long that her eyes were sour and her nose was all runny. All the memories were flowing through her mind like wind on the desert sand. The box was open, wide open and there was no closing it now.

When Addison came back to her senses it was already dawn. The sun had started to rise and the rays were falling on the sand making it glow. She got up, unable to help herself and went to the garage. After about half an hour of rummaging she found the box she was looking for. It was still the same, covered in dust and cobwebs, but otherwise untouched by time. The brown cardboard had faded around the corners and the tape was peeling off from one side, but otherwise it was exactly as she had kept it nine years ago.

Addison brushed off the dust and took the box back to the living room. The box was a bit heavy for its size. She set it on the carpet and peeled the tape to open what had been a treasure to her ten years ago. The things that had once been her life, now almost forgotten!

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 **A/N** Sorry for blabbing again, but I wanted to ask anyone who has bothered to read till here if they have any ideas of what will Addison decide to keep. I have some ideas already but i would like to know yours. Thanks again for reading till here! :)


	2. Chapter 2 - Thanks for the Memories

Chapter 2: Thanks for the Memories

Over the years Addison and Derek had become quite good friends. Initially it had taken a lot of efforts for the both to maintain a cordial relationship, but as the years went by it had been easier for both. And when Derek had saved Archer and Addison had started working with Amelia and had seen her through her recovery from the drug relapse, the friendship had really strengthened. Derek had always been happy with Meredith, his perfect 12 year old and Addison had, after a lot of struggle found the perfect husband in Jake. And she couldn't be any happier with her life right now, but as she opened that box, she couldn't help wonder about the life that could have been if she had not cheated on Derek with Mark.

The first thing that Addison found was the picture that she had in her office in New York. It was a picture of them is some park laughing happily. She smiled at the picture and laughed at how happy they were then.

Addison was by nature a very organised person. So she didn't keep things that had lost its value. But somehow she had preserved quite a lot of her life with Derek. The box before her was evidence of that.

The top was filled with the most recent additions to the box. The pictures that had been on the mantle and the walls in their New York home. A wedding photo, showing their first kiss as a married couple. Then another where Derek and Addison were laughing , clicked at Central Park. Another was their graduation day picture. And the list went on and on! All pictures were carefully put in albums by Addison, except the ones that had been on display. After the divorce Derek had wanted nothing to do with this and so Addison had to take care of all their possessions at both their properties. Addison silently browsed through the photos. Remembering what had been, and occasionally tearing up when she remembered a particularly nice memory.

She heard footsteps as Jake walked in with Henry in his arms. She smiled at him through her tears as he walked over and kissed her softly on the lips.

"Are you ok?" he asked, concerned for his wife. He knew that she was sad. He had seen her break down when Mark had died. And this was Derek!

"I am!", Addison mumbled as she continued to go through the contents of the box.

Jake sat down besides her and looked at the things lying around her.

"I didn't know you had kept all this stuff", Jake exclaimed, a bit surprised.

"I cleaned the brownstone and the Hamptons house. And Derek didn't want anything to do with either. I mostly sent all his things to Seattle or to his mother but I kept a few of our things! I had almost forgotten that I had all of this until yesterday! ", she said with a sour look on her face. That had clearly been a very tough time.

Henry now fully awake crawled into his mother's arms and tried to wipe away her tears!

"Mommy is sad?! Mommy got a boo-boo?" he asked innocently, lisping slightly, unable to understand why his mom was crying!

Addison looked at her son, and hugged him tightly whispering in his ears, "No sweety, I am ok!"

How could she possibly explain to this sweet innocent child why she was sad! Death and pain were still unknown to him and he had barely known Derek. The only time that Derek had seen Henry was when she had Skyped him for help on a case and Addison had shown Derek her son, who was too young at the time to talk...

"Is that your wedding tape?! Jake asked as he picked up a black tape with a bright purple cover sleeve.

"Yes!", Addison said as she opened the cover and a folded piece of paper fell out!

Jake picked up the paper and unfolded it and Addison couldn't believe her eyes! It was the paper on which Derek had written their song! Jake laughed as he read the lyrics. "Did Derek write this for you?!", he asked in between laughs. "Yes! And he also played it with a guitar for me at the wedding! ", Addison smiled as she remembered Derek who had been slightly embarrassed and slightly nervous singing that song!

Jake picked up the wedding tape and put it in the player. Both of them settled on the sofa in each other's arms as the tape started playing. Henry had already lost interest in the whole thing when he had seen his mother smile and had gone to his room to play with his favourite toys.

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 _The video started with Addie in the dressing room getting ready as Bizzy and Mrs. Shepherd went over every small detail of how she looked. Addison looked visibly annoyed and her only solace was Amelia, then in her teens, sitting across her and making funny faces at the older ladies when they were too absorbed in their important work to notice her. Naomi and Derek's other sisters walked in and out of the room, giving a blow by blow of the outside events to Addison and occasionally providing food to the bride! Addison herself looked pretty in her white dress which did great justice to her slender figure. Her red haired was curled and tied in a loose bun. Her blue green eyes shone with excitement and anticipation of getting married to the man she loved! Other women in the room looked equally pretty and happy for her as she got ready for her happy day!_

 _The screen blacked out for a bit as the grooms and his best man came into the frame! Derek looked a bit nervous as he was reading the vows of a piece of paper. Mark was smiling mischievously as he assured Derek that Addison wouldn't leave him at the altar even if he screwed up his vows!_

 _The scene shifted to the actual wedding, as Addison was walked down the aisle by the Captain towards Derek. All the guests looked at the bride and how pretty she looked but the bride herself had eyes for no one else but the man standing at the end of the aisle._

 _Derek looked particularly dapper in his suit as he looked at his soon to be wife walking towards him, his mouth slightly hanging open! Mark nudges him playfully indicating that he should shut his mouth and smile instead! Derek obliges buts continues staring at his bride as she comes to stand in front of him._

 _Addison is all smiles as the minister starts the ceremony and asks them to say their vows! Both Derek and Addison promise each other that they will take care of each other in sickness and in health, in good surgeries and bad ones, till death do them part! They exchange the rings and kiss as the crowd claps and Mark and Amelia hoot! A kiss that marks the beginning of years to come!_

 _As the crowd settles in, after all the dancing and fanfare of over, Mark gets up to propose a toast,_

 _"To Derek, my closest friend and brother and Addison, the most beautiful woman that Derek could have landed! May you have many many wonderful surgeries together and also, a very happy married life. And now Derek, my best friend will sing a song of his own writing for his beautiful wife." He winks at the couple at the last line as all the guests and Addison gasp in surprise and then clap in encouragement as Mark practically shoved the mike in Derek's hand!_

 _Derek gets up and looks at Addison, as he says, "This is the story of how I met my beautiful wife for the first time. I love you Addie and will always continue to love you. This songs is for you!"_

 _Our eyes met over the cadaver,_

 _And I knew I had to have her,_

 _Had his mitral valve grown too thick?_

 _Is that what made out cadaver so sick?_

 _Addison Montgomery!_

 _I met her in the summer,_

 _She was cutting up a very dead body._

 _In her eyes I saw my life,_

 _And I knew she would be my wife,_

 _And she would breath the life back into me._

 _For every day until eternity,_

 _Or until I'll be as dead as that body!_

 _Addison shrunk in the chair besides Derek and the song came to an end, her cheeks red from the slightly embarrassing but beautiful song that Derek had written for her. Most of the people clapped with the exception of Amelia, Naomi, Sam, Mark and Archer all of whom were now breathless with laughter and almost falling off of their chairs! Derek sat down, now with a very red face and put his arm around Addison and kissed her softly trying to hide his face in her hair._

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Jake couldn't help but laugh at the song that was written for his wife by the ex-husband but he quickly quieted down as he saw his wife crying again!

"Shhhh!", he whispered as he continued to stroke and hair.

"Derek is dead! He just died! Just like that!", Addison cried, as she moved her fingers along the words on paper on which Derek had written the song.

Jake continued to comfort her by just holding her close, unable to find words to say to her! Their reverie was broken when Henry ran in the room carrying Addison's phone which was vibrating loudly. It was from St. Ambrose.

Jake picked up the phone and immediately Charlotte spoke on the other side,

"Addison are you all right?! I heard! How horrible! He was such a talented person..."

"Charlotte! It's me Jake! Addison is fine! Though she won't be able to come to work today! Can you page the resident ob-gyn at St. Ambrose for the delivery?!", Jake said! Assuming it was one of Addison's patients who had gone into labor!

"Ok!", Charlotte said, as she hung up not knowing what more to say but still wanting to help her friend in any way that she could.

"Thanks for doing that Jake! I wanted to take the day off anyways!", Addison breathed a sigh of relief.

"I'll also make sure that no one at the practice calls you! And I'll drop Henry at the school and pick him up. And tell me the date and time of the service. I'll book tickets for the both of us and Henry to fly to Seattle asap!", Jake said trying his best to make Addison happy.

"Oh! That won't be necessary! I don't think I'll be attending the funeral! I don't think I have the strength to! I don't think I can! Plus me and Meredith never really bonded obviously! So I don't think she'll want me there! Besides if you are concerned about Amy, she has her mother and sisters and every one at Grey Sloan with her! She'll be all right! I'll also call Callie or Richard to tell them that I can't make it to the funeral and tell them to convey my condolences to Meredith and the kids. And Jake thanks for understanding and being so kind and helpful. I cannot imagine my life without you! ", sighed Addison.

"Always!", Jake said pecking her cheek and then walking towards Henry's room to get him ready for school. Inwardly however, he heaved a sigh of relief! Addison had loved Derek ardently at some point of time, but all that was left now were the bitter sweet memories, just like him and Lily!

Addison's eyes followed her husband go up the stairs and then she turned towards the TV to continue watching the remainder of the wedding, which was not almost at its end now. She picked up her phone and left Richard Webber a voice mail to explain that she won't be attending the funeral.

Maybe they would have had a different life or maybe they would have gotten divorced sometime later or maybe a kid would have completely changed them! But those were a lot of maybes. All she could do now was remember a man who had helped her become who she was, both as a person and a surgeon. Because that man was gone forever! And she was here still in a different but happy life, which she couldn't have possibly imagined at the time of that previous wedding!

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A/N Thanks for reading. :)


	3. Chapter 3- Friends? Maybe not

Chapter 3- Friends? Maybe not...

Meredith walked down the hallway, paying no particular attention to the people passing by. The doctors and the interns were clearly recognizable in their scrubs and coats, and yet, they were all strangers to her. This was not her hospital, where the hallways seemed so familiar, where she had lost so much and yet received so much more in return. The best friendships of her life had been at Grey-Sloan. She had discovered her sisters there, and learned to become an excellent surgeon. But more importantly, she had found the love of her life there. And all that had changed in one fleeting moment. The love of her life that was lost. Forever!

The past two months had been a blur. After Derek's funeral, Meredith had managed to somehow get herself together and leave Seattle. She had left a short note explaining that she was safe and that the children were with her, safe.

She had inhibitions and fears. But leaving Seattle had been the only thing that she could do, to get away from that place. She couldn't face the concerned and pitiful glances of her friends and co-workers anymore. They were trying to be supportive and helpful, but it was not working. And was never going to. Her rational mind had taken a backseat and all the emotions had came surging as she made the decision to leave. Meredith, the strong woman was broken. Here, she was only an surgeon, who was really good at her job. She was the one who rarely felt any emotions, surgery after surgery after surgery. She was doing what her husband had once done... She was trying to hide her feelings by working so hard that she barely slept.

Meredith could hear whispers as she approached the nurse at the station to get a patient file. Her co-workers were clearly afraid of her or more appropriately hated her. But, she preferred it that way. No friends meant no emotional talks and no drama. Her life had too much drama already. Enough for a lifetime, some would say! So when Meredith heard a familiar voice call her, she almost jumped in surprise!

Addison! What was she doing here?!

"Meredith!", Addison came and hugged her. Meredith hugged back awkwardly...

"What are you doing here?! I thought you were in Seattle!"

"I thought you were in LA-"

"Oh, I came here for a case, there is a patient with TTTS in the hospital and the family specifically wanted me! So here I am. How are you?"

Meredith wasn't prepared for the avalanche of questions that she was sure was coming her way! So she did what she had done best..avoid.

"Addison, can I talk to you later...I have patients to check up on..."

"Ok then, lunch? There's a restaurant around the corner. I hear its good!"

Meredith agreed reluctantly, hoping to get in on a surgery before that and get out at the last moment. Lunch with Addison was the last thing on her agenda right now.

Addison didn't know why she had invited Meredith Grey to lunch. But curiosity had gotten the better of her. What was Meredith doing here in -? Maybe she was in for a case, hopefully she was! They had never before really talked to each other, barring the "Meredith-on-morphine" experience. Addison had never expected to meet Meredith here, but merely the fact that she was here alone concerned Addison. She felt concern for the woman who had once stolen her husband! Weird? May be! But the hate was long gone and so was the faint trace of jealousy. Now, Meredith was only a woman who had lost her husband. And Addison wanted to be there for her in whatever way she could...

So Addison did a bit of spying around, and found out that Meredith was not a permanent doctor here, but she was not here for a single case either. She helped out on cases whenever there was need. But no one seemed to know anything about her, other than the fact that she was a very good doctor and that her mother had known someone on the board, and that is how she got to swoop in on surgeries. This information really bothered Addison. So, Meredith had practically ran away from Seattle, and what about her kids? What was Meredith doing with her life? The Lunch meeting was surely going to be interesting...

Lunch arrived rather quickly. And Meredith, much to her dismay, had failed to come up with an excuse. Lunch with Addison it was.

Meredith met Addison in the lobby, and both walked down together towards the restaurant. Neither knew what to say to the other. So, Meredith started the conversation-

"So, how is Henry? And Jake?", Isn't that what her husband 's name was? Meredith couldn't recall exactly...

"Both are good. Henry has started school, and the practice has really picked up now. We are doing wonderfully. "

Addison saw Meredith smile slightly, but the sadness in her eyes was evident. So she quickly added

"How are your kids?"

"Good, they are fine! Coping I guess?"

" Meredith! I have to ask...What are you doing?"

"Working, practicing medicine-"

"No, I mean what are you doing here? What are you doing with your life? From what I have been told, you work here now? You can't just move here, you have children to think of..."

"Addison, that is none of your concern. Let's just have lunch. And you should really stop poking your nose is my life-"

Addison had expected the backlash, but she was not the one to give up easily. So she said, "Meredith, I am just concerned. I know you must be hurting and this must be your way of coping with it, but you are going to need a support system, and you had that in Seattle, you had your friends, and Richard, and Miranda..."

"Addison...Seattle doesn't have the same meaning to me anymore. I needed to get away from all that, and I was not planning to work at all...it's just that I can't sit around all day...thinking...and I get that you are concerned, but don't be. I am fine!"

Addison was clearly not buying it. But, she knew better than to persist. So both went on eating in awkward silence until it was broken by Meredith's phone beeping. There's an incoming trauma in the hospital, they need all hands on deck, a car crashed into some pedestrians crossing the road. I have to leave...

Ok..I'll just pack the leftovers and meet you at the hospital...But Meredith had already left! Great! So much for trying to be helpful!

When Addison reached the hospital, Meredith was nowhere to be seen. So she kept the lunch pack in the fridge in the lounge and was planning on going and checking on her patient when an intern came in...

"Dr. Montgomery, Dr. Grey needs you, She is treating a pregnant woman who was hit by the drunk driver! Her liver seems to have been ruptured by something when she got hit. The patient is in O.R. 2..."

Addison followed the intern, wondering why Meredith had called for her when she could have easily paged any resident Ob. But she was happy to help in any way that was needed, plus she practically had the day free. So, off she went with the intern, happy that Meredith was asking her for help.

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Hey...! Thanks to all those who read the story. Please write reviews and tell me how do you find the story? Good? bad? Ugly? All the reviews are welcome! :) Also, tell me what you think of the season 13 winter finale. I personally would really like to see Jo and Alex bond. Also, Jo's back story is really interesting...


	4. Chapter 4-Secrets

Chapter 4-Secrets

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Hey guys! Thank you for reading this. I must warn you before hand ,the description of the surgery and all the medical stuff may not be accurate. I am not a medical professional and frankly, I am too lazy to do all sorts of "google research" so I just wrote something up. Thought I must warn you. Please do review! And for anyone who celebrates it, Happy Thanksgiving! :D

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Addison quickly reviewed the patient history on her way to the OR. The patient was a 27 year old female, 32 weeks pregnant, who had suffered liver damage due to the accident. The baby was otherwise stable and the heartbeat was strong. The ultrasound had confirmed that the baby had suffered no injury in the accident, which was fortunate. But the surgery might prove too harmful to the baby and so Meredith had requested Addison's help. At 32 weeks, the baby was viable and if required, Addison may be required to perform an emergency c-section. She was prepared, as always. Many times before, Addison had done such surgeries and had successfully delivered the babies. But today, her concern was not only the patient, but also, her fellow surgeon.

Three hours into the surgery, the baby was stable. The patient's liver had sustained injuries for the accident, but they could be corrected with surgery and there was no requirement for the transplant. Meredith was suturing some tears, when an unexpected bleeder surfaced. The patient's organs had had acted as a tamponade for the bleeder. If not controlled the bleeder could harm both, the baby and the mother. And Meredith needed some mobility to successfully perform the surgery. Also, the baby was in distress due to the bleeding.

"Baby's stats are dropping, Dr. Grey...we need to evacuate the fetus to give the patient a chance to survive."

"Ok...Give me a minute. I'll stop the bleeding and hold it till you perform the c-section."

"Thank you Dr. Grey. Nurse hand me the scalpel..."

Hours later, Meredith came to the NICU, where Addison was sleeping on the chair, specially kept near the preemie. The baby's lungs were underdeveloped, but the surgery to correct the same had been successful and the baby was stable.

"How is the mother?"

"She's fine. The surgery was a success. We were able to repair the liver. She'll recover completely. Lucky the baby was not hurt. And Addison, you should go home too. I'll ask some resident to keep an eye on the baby."

"Actually, that's the problem. I was expected to go home after my TTTS surgery. And I haven't booked a room to stay here. So, I was planning to keep an eye on the baby tonight and leave tomorrow morning after handing over the case to the peds surgeon here. I have arranged for a private plane for tomorrow morning."

"You cannot spend the night here. And besides the preemie is doing just fine. So don't worry. I'll make a reservation for you at my hotel and have an on call resident keep an eye on the baby. You could spend the night at the hotel and then leave in the morning after the check up."

"Thanks Meredith! I really appreciate it."

"Done! There's a room available! I booked that for you. Let's go."

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Meredith changed in her night clothes. The Dartmouth t-shirt, a nice comfortable pair of pant and one of Derek's old sweaters. Zola was playing with Bailey and trying to get him to cook using the toy oven. The babysitter had fed them and they had their bath.

"Mommy! you can play too. You be the guest at our hotel. We will give you really good food. I taught bailey to make the pizza!"

"Yes! That's amazing! I really like pizza...! But, I want the pepperoni one. Do you serve that?"

"Of course! Ours is a fancy restaurant! We serve everything!"

Just as Zola was serving the fake pizza slice in the fancy plastic plate there was a knock on the door. Meredith opened the door to find Addison.

"Oh...it's you! I thought you were room service. I had ordered dinner."

"Um...Meredith, I was wondering if you want to hang out. Maybe watch a movie. It was a really long day. I don't like to have dinner alone unless I have to!"

"Ya. Sure. Come on in... Zola, Bailey, this is Addison. She's...well, she's a friend of mine..."

"Hi Auntie Addison!", both the kids chirped, and Addison noticed how cute they were, and she smiled as she remembered her own kid at home, who would now be having dinner with his father.

"Hey kids! My god! Such pretty plates you have Zola!"

"We are playing hotel, will you be our guest?", Zola asked, pleased to get attention from another adult.

"Yes sure! What is on the menu today?" Addison said, joining in the play and smiling at the sweet kids. A bright young girl who was taking the lead in this small act and her parents often did in the OR and the young boy who was a reflection of Derek through and through.

"And Addie, thanks for the help today! I know that you are a visiting doctor, but it's good to have a familiar face in the OR. And I hate how all the doctors here stare at me, like I am some alien being...So, thanks!"

"Anytime!", she smiled at the younger woman, genuinely happy to have helped. Addison was happy to hear Meredith calling her Addie, another small step towards opening up...

They ordered some more food for Addison, and played with the kids till they were sleepy and went off to bed. Meredith hugged and kissed them both as she tucked them into bed.

Time had flown quickly with the children and the food that had arrived was already cold. Meredith reheated the food and they started watching some shitty romantic movie that was being aired on TV while eating.

Addison noticed how Meredith was pretending to be happy for the sake of her kids. She noticed that the little happy in the already dark and twisty Meredith was now completely gone. But this woman, this strong woman had survived.

They talked about the surgery, the new hospital, life in LA and many inconsequential topics. And as dinners often went, the conversation flowed with the food. Soon the TV was just background noise. Meredith forgot about everything for a while. Having a friend really helped. And even though the talk was random, it was helping Meredith more than any medicine could. Despite of everything, Addison was still scared to steer the topic to Derek, and Meredith's escape from Seattle...The pain in Meredith's eyes was already too hard to watch, and Addison didn't want to inflict any more of it.

"Addie, Why didn't we ever talk like this before?"

This question brought back memories of the past. And Addison giggled.

"You have asked me the same question once before, you know..."

"When?"

"Remember your Appendix surgery? You asked me the same thing when you were high on morphine...!"

"Seriously?" Meredith said, little embarrassed now. "I obviously can't remember", Meredith laughed, the crease lines near her eye more prominent. The sadness replaced the happy facade as the memories of that happy past resurfaced.

Meredith said nothing, but all the emotions were so clearly reflected on her face that Addison quickly changed the topic-

"Meredith, let's have some wine? Or tequila? That's your poison right?"

"Addison, no, I can't..."

"Come on! I insist! The kids are asleep, and we have no surgeries tomorrow, what's the harm?...Wait I'll order a bottle..."

"Addison, you don't get the point. It's not that I don't want to drink. I can't drink...I can't drink because I am pregnant...", Meredith said, her eyes watering up, tears about to spill out..

Addison stared at her. Just stared at her. If there was a God somewhere, he clearly hated Meredith Grey. Her husband had died and he has left a part of himself in her, that will be a reminder of what had happened. Addison was sure that Meredith will be happy to have the baby eventually...but right now, it was just reminder of Derek's death...


	5. Chapter 5 - New Beginnings

Chapter 5- New Beginnings

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Tears were flowing down Meredith's cheeks continuously, the grief finally setting in. For the past two months, Meredith had ensured that she didn't feel anything. She had made herself so busy with her work and the kids that she barely had time to think. This had helped her to live, for the sake of the children and for the sake of her unborn baby. And Addison's arrival had finally allowed Meredith to let her feelings flow. Maybe it was a familiar face in the sea of unknown ones, or simply having someone who understood her and knew her life in Seattle, but the grief had finally kicked in and there was no stopping it now. And so, Meredith cried on till her eyes became red and swollen and her throat became so sore that she couldn't cry anymore. And Meredith couldn't be more grateful for the presence of her dead husband's ex-wife in her life right now. Addison had made her feel what she had been avoiding for the past months now. Denial was finally over, and although she was a long way from acceptance, she at least moved forward a little bit. Addison felt like the only real thing the void, and Meredith held on to her with all her strength, till she fell asleep.

Addison had just stared at Meredith till what she had just heard sunk in. Meredith was pregnant. With Derek's baby! And now he was dead, basically leaving her to raise the kids alone. And as Addison saw Meredith cry uncontrollably, all she felt was pity. She had always kept her distance from Meredith for obvious reasons, but today, Addison held Meredith as she cried her eyes out. And when Meredith fell asleep, Addison stayed by her side till sleep got to her as well and both slept, one dreaming of a future that would never come and the other thinking of the memories of 12 years that had remained despite of everything that had happened later.

* * *

Addison woke up to the smell of coffee. Someone had put a blanket on her and she could here faint noises from the bathroom. Meredith had just finished giving Bailey a bath and Zola was eating her breakfast cereal. Meredith and the kids were already awake...

Addison got up and said hello to Zola who smiled back and then she went to the bed on which Bailey was standing as Meredith dressed him and wished Meredith good morning. Meredith had her happy facade on for the sake of the kids, it seemed as if last night had never happened. But the puffiness of her eyes gave her act away.

"Good morning! Did you sleep well? I am sorry for yesterday, I don't know what came over me..."

"Meredith, it's fine. You don't have to pretend in front of me. I understand why you did what you did."

"Thank you. You are the only person that I have talked to in the last two months, since-"

"Yes, I figured that out. Listen Meredith, if you need anything at all, please tell me. I know we have not been exactly friends, but, I can help you out, with whatever you need-", Addison stopped, unsure whether Meredith would accept her help in anyway.

"Don't worry, I am fine. We are fine. The job here is good and the kids love staying in the hotel and now they have even gotten used to the face that we may not be going to Seattle anytime soon. But thank you for asking..."

"I am glad that you are ok. I was concerned after yesterday. But I know how strong you are. Derek always said that you can cope with anything, and that you can be calm even in the worse situations because you have always seen worse..."

Even the mention of his name brought a sadness in Meredith's eyes, but she was quick to cover it up with a smile.

"Yes, he said that. Thanks for asking Addison. I really appreciate it."

"Ok then, I will get ready, I will see you at the hospital. I will hand over the case to the Ob-Gyn and then be off to LA. See you..."

"Ok, bye! Kids, say bye to Aunt Addison.."

"Bye. Auntie Addison!", both the kids waved in unison.

Addison waved back as she left the room to go to her own.

* * *

The rest of the day went as planned for Addison, her patient was stable and doing better that expected, and she had handed over her case to the Ob-Gyn guy at this hospital, who had then asked her to consult on one of his cases, which she had happily done. Her flight was scheduled for 6 p.m. and everything was on track. She was waiting in the attendings' room reading an issue of one of the medical journals when Meredith dropped in to see her. This was unexpected, Addison had planned to say a quick good bye before leaving...

"Addison, do you have some time to talk?"

"Yes, do you need a quick consult for one of your patients?"

"No-"

"Oh, then what do you need?"

"I was wondering if you could be my doctor...you know...for the baby...?"

"What?- Yes of course! I would be happy to!"

"Seriously? Thanks so much! I have been thinking after you showed up, that a familiar doctor would be really good. But I didn't want to burden you and so I didn't say anything... But I am so glad that you agreed. Here in my latest ultrasound. The doctor said that everything was fine, but you have a look at it too, just in case..."

Addison observed the images and report. Everything was alright and Meredith was being overcautious. Addison smiled as she told Meredith the good news.

"Everything is perfect. The baby seems healthy. So don't worry. Just take care of yourself. And mail me new reports every two weeks so that I can keep a track of things."

"Yes. I will do that. Thank you again for agreeing to do this. It means a lot to me."

"Meredith, I actually have a better idea. Why don't you come and live in LA, with us. You can join the practice and stay with us for a short while till you figure something out. And the kind can join the school that Henry goes to. And I can monitor the baby much more closely. Your age makes the pregnancy risky and so does your history. So this shall be much better arrangement..."

"Addison...! I don't want a permanent job or to be around anyone that I know. That's why I left Seattle. And I don't want to burden you by living in your house..."

"You won't be. We have a spare room and I am sure Jake won't mind. And we always have guests over...Naomi, Jake's daughter...And Amelia used to live with me...And you don't have to join the practice, you can work on cases at St. Ambrose. Charlotte can manage that, I am sure. Think about it. And I will make sure that no one in Seattle will know, not even Amelia..."

"Addison-"

"Take your time. Think about it. I am leaving tonight but you can complete your work here and then come to LA. Tell me if you want to come or if you don't. Either is fine. It's up to you. Tell me what you decide, when you do.

"Thanks Addison! I really appreciate this. All that you are doing for me."

"Anytime!" Addison smiled.

* * *

Addison reached LA on schedule. When she went home, her perfect husband and child were waiting for her. They had dinner and watched some cartoon which Henry liked. Her life couldn't be anymore perfect.

Addison checked her phone before going to sleep and there was a message from Meredith...

"I thought about what you said. I think moving to LA will be best for the baby. Wrapping things here will take 2-3 days. I will text you the flight details when I book the tickets. Thanks again for everything."

* * *

 **A/N: I know all the chapters till now were sad and nothing really happened in the story but I wanted to make sure that Meredith got time to bond with Addison. So the next few chapters will be light and happy, of at least I'll try to make them so. Thanks for reading and do review! Also, Merry Christmas and Happy Hanukkah in advance! :) :)**


	6. Chapter 6 - Moving Forward

**Chapter 6 - Moving Forward**

Moving to a new city was always difficult for Meredith, and she had done it multiple times in her life till now and yet she had been drawn back to Seattle every time. But moving to LA, she saw new hopes for herself and her baby. Addison had come in her life like an angel. As difficult as it was for Meredith to admit, she couldn't do everything alone. She needed a support system, and Christina had been her person for so long that she couldn't think of anyone else in difficult times. But Christina had gotten her dream, literally, and Meredith didn't want to bother her with any more problems. She hadn't even told Christina about the baby. And everyone at Seattle was out of question, especially, Amelia and Maggie. They had their own problems to deal with. So, moving to LA had seemed like the best option. And, on the flight to LA, with the kids nicely tucked in, Meredith was more relieved than she could have ever imagined.

* * *

After collecting her luggage she walked towards the waiting area where she spotted Addison with a man and a cute toddler about Zola's age. They were standing, waiting for Meredith, and the child talking to his dad. His stories, and the intensity with which he was telling them was making his mother smile in spite of herself.

Meredith walked up to them, with her own sleepy children in tow. The basic introductions were done. Jake politely asked Meredith if she needed help her with the luggage and when she declined, he insisted upon doing so. He seemed like a good guy. After all the kids were settled in the back seat with Meredith, they left for Addison's house.

Addison's house, the premium beach front property, was better than what Amelia's had described in her stories. The sea breeze, the smell of the beach gave the whole thing a vacation like feel, and the kids, who were now wide awake wanted to go to play on the beach immediately. Zola, who had left her best swim suit at home was sad that she had done so, and had already asked Meredith to buy one. She had only stopped winning when she had gotten a promise from her mother to go shopping tomorrow. Meredith and Zola were to live in the guest room, while Bailey was to share with Henry. And, evidently, Addison had convinced her son that having a roommate was the best thing ever, because Henry was literally jumping up and down with the idea. He had even helped Bailey unpack, and both had created a royal mess which Meredith later cleaned up. All in all, the kids were happy to live in the beach house.

Dinner lasted for hours as the adults caught up with each other's lives, Meredith's last week at the hospital, the practice, requirements at St. Ambrose, etc. The kids bonded quickly as Bailey found Henry's trucks and toys fascinating while Zola got access to some of Addison's real cutlery, which was not really fancy, but from her childish perspective seemed really grownup and fancy, and she arranged a quick tea party for her doll, the boys, and a few of Henry's GI Joes. All in all, dinner was a jolly event and everyone went to sleep, exhausted yet happy. The prospect of spending the Sunday at the beach made the kids more than willing to go to sleep early and the adults were already so tired that the household was unusually quiet by 10 p.m.

* * *

Sundays in LA were fun. Everyone at the practice was going to join Addison and Jake at their house, for a welcome party for Meredith. Sam and Naomi along with Maya, Olivia, Dink, Betsey and Sara showed up a bit early and helped Addison set up things. Charlotte and Cooper and the triplets and Mason showed up a little late, Charlotte still a bit irritated by her kids antics. Violet also came along with Lucas even though she had to reschedule some appointments to do so. And it was a full house!

The kids, after some initial shyness got along very well. They had a castle building competition where the grey kids teamed up with Henry and competed against the Freedman clan and the Bennett clan. The triplets won easily as they had some mean equipment and amazing cooperation. But the whole thing acted as an easy ice breaker for all.

While the kids were busy, the adults were all comfortably drinking wine and chatting about the past week at the practice. Meredith got alone easily with these people. They didn't have the competitive spirit of her fellow surgeons at Seattle. These people just had the will to help each other and their patients. The frantic urge to cut and the competitive spirit of Seattle was a stranger in LA. And, Meredith was ready to welcome that change. But as she saw all the happy people around her, she missed the one person who she couldn't be with, the one person who made her life beautiful, Derek Shepherd. And as hard as she was trying, to move on, the longing for him was there, lurking in the back of her mind, like a monster trying to eat her alive.

* * *

 **A/N Hey, I am sort of experiencing a block for this story. And though you all king of know what happens at the end, I want to make Meredith's life in LA a bit more exciting. So, this chapter is a small update about Mer moving in with Addie and the story really doesn't move forward in this chapter, but it's just a part of Meredith trying to move on.**


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